Epi #134. Why You’re Stuck in Your Parenting (And How to Break Free)

Do you ever feel like you’re always reacting the same way when your child pushes your buttons, no matter how hard you try not to? 

You’ve read the books, tried the strategies, and promised yourself you wouldn’t lose your cool again. But then… it happens. 

The yelling, the frustration, the guilt afterward.

You’re not alone in this. I’ve been there too. I remember so many nights, lying awake, feeling like I failed my kids. 

I wanted to be that calm, collected parent who always knew the right thing to say, but in those heated moments, everything just fell apart.

Here’s the thing: you’re not stuck because you’re a bad parent or because you don’t love your child. 

You’re stuck because you’re focusing on the wrong thing. 

But there’s a way out of this, and it doesn’t involve another parenting hack or quick tip. 

It involves a shift—a shift that will change the way you interact with your child forever.

1. Why We Get Stuck in Our Parenting

Most parents, myself included, fall into a common trap. 

When our kids are acting out—whether it’s tantrums, defiance, or those never-ending arguments—our first instinct is to control the situation. 

We think if we can just manage their behavior, everything will be okay.

So what do we do? We try to correct the behavior on the spot. 

We say things like, “If you don’t stop that right now, you won’t get any screen time.” 

Or maybe we try a gentler approach and repeat ourselves over and over again, hoping they’ll finally listen.

But here’s what happens instead: They don’t stop. 

Or they might stop for a moment, but the behavior comes back later. 

And then we feel even more frustrated, even more powerless. 

We start to think, “What am I doing wrong? Why isn’t this working?”

The truth is, when we focus on controlling our child’s behavior, we’re missing the bigger picture. 

We’re not getting to the root of the issue. And that’s why we keep feeling stuck.

2. The Problem with Control

Let’s talk about control for a minute.

 When we try to control our child’s behavior—whether by yelling, giving consequences, or even offering rewards—we’re trying to force an outcome. 

We’re saying, “If I can just make you do what I want right now, everything will be fine.”

But here’s the thing: control leads to resistance. 

Think about it.

When someone tries to control you, how do you feel? Probably frustrated, maybe even rebellious, right? Our kids feel the same way. 

The more we push, the more they push back.

I remember a time when my own child, who’s highly sensitive, was in the middle of a meltdown. 

I tried everything—calmly repeating myself, offering choices, threatening consequences.

Nothing worked. 

In fact, it made things worse. 

He dug his heels in harder, and before I knew it, we were in a full-blown power struggle.

That’s the problem with focusing on control. 

It creates a tug-of-war between you and your child, and nobody wins.

3. The Shift You Need to Make

So, if control isn’t the answer, what is? 

The key to breaking free from this cycle is to stop focusing on control and start focusing on connection.

When our kids are acting out, they’re not just trying to make our lives harder (even though it sometimes feels that way!). 

They’re feeling something big inside—overwhelmed, misunderstood, or maybe even scared. 

And when we try to control their behavior, we’re missing the chance to connect with what’s really going on underneath.

Connection is what truly changes behavior. 

When your child feels deeply connected to you—when they feel safe, seen, and understood—they naturally become more cooperative.

They don’t feel the need to resist or fight back.

I know this can sound too simple to be true, but I’ve seen it work in my own home and in the homes of countless families I’ve worked with. 

It’s not about being perfect or letting your child run the show. 

It’s about tuning into their emotions and offering them the connection they need, especially in those challenging moments.

4. How to Build Connection in Real-Time

Now, I’m sure you’re thinking, “This sounds great, but how do I actually do this when my child is melting down or being defiant?” I get it.

In the heat of the moment, it’s hard to know what to do. 

But here are three steps that have helped me (and countless other parents) shift from control to connection:

Step 1: Pause Before Reacting

When your child is having a meltdown or refusing to listen, your first instinct might be to react—to stop the behavior as fast as possible. 

But instead, try pausing.

Even just a few seconds can help you regulate your own emotions before you respond.

This gives you a moment to ask yourself, “What does my child really need from me right now?”

I used to jump straight into “fix-it mode” whenever my kids started acting out, but pausing helped me see that sometimes, they didn’t need fixing. 

They needed understanding.

Step 2: Validate Their Feelings

When kids are overwhelmed, what they need most is to feel seen and heard. 

Instead of jumping to discipline, try validating their emotions. 

Saying something like, “I see you’re really upset right now” can go a long way in helping them calm down. 

It lets them know you’re on their side, and you understand what they’re going through.

I remember when I started doing this with my son during his meltdowns. 

At first, I didn’t think it would make much of a difference. 

But I was amazed at how quickly his body language softened when he heard me say, “I’m here with you.”

Step 3: Offer Connection, Not Solutions

In those heated moments, your child doesn’t need a solution right away. 

They need connection. 

Instead of focusing on fixing the behavior, focus on being present with them. 

You could say something like, “I’m here with you. 

We’ll figure this out together.”

This is something I had to learn the hard way. 

I was so focused on solving the problem that I forgot to connect with my child first.

Once I started doing that, I noticed a huge shift in how my kids responded to me.

5. The Limiting Beliefs Holding You Back

Now, I know some of you might be thinking, “This sounds great, but I don’t think I can actually do this.”

And that’s totally normal. 

We all have limiting beliefs that hold us back from making the changes we want to make in our parenting.

Let me share two common beliefs I hear from parents all the time—and how you can overcome them.

Limiting Belief #1: “I’m not patient enough to parent this way.”

If you’ve ever thought this, you’re not alone. 

I used to believe this about myself, especially on those days when everything seemed to go wrong. 

But here’s the truth: patience isn’t something you’re born with. 

It’s something you can build.

Every time you take a breath before reacting, every time you choose connection over control, you’re building that patience muscle. 

It’s not about being perfect. It’s about progress.

Limiting Belief #2: “My child doesn’t listen, so what’s the point?”

This is such a common belief, especially for parents of neurodivergent or highly sensitive kids. 

It can feel like no matter what you do, they’re just not hearing you. 

But here’s the thing: when your child feels connected to you, that’s when they’ll start listening.

Your child isn’t ignoring you because they don’t care. 

Often, they’re overwhelmed or not feeling understood. 

When you make that shift from controlling their behavior to connecting with their emotions, you’ll be amazed at how much more they start to listen.

6. How to Break Free from the Cycle

So, if you’re ready to break free from the cycle of angry reactions and power struggles, here’s what you need to do:

1. Pause: Give yourself a moment to calm down before responding.

1. Validate: Acknowledge your child’s emotions, even if you don’t agree with their behavior

1. Connect: Focus on being present with your child, offering them your full attention.

These three steps can help you create a calmer, more connected relationship with your child. 

And when you do this, you’ll notice that your child becomes more cooperative, more willing to listen, and more emotionally secure.

7. The Free Class That Will Help You Transform Your Parenting

Now, if you’re ready to take this even further, I have something special for you.

I’ve created a free class where you’ll learn our signature Parenting With Understanding system—a system that will help you overcome angry reactions and have calm, connected responses even in the middle of your child’s chaos.

Here’s what you’ll learn in the class:

• ✅ How to stop those angry reactions and respond calmly when everything feels out of control.

• ✅ How to communicate assertively so your child listens, even when you have to give them a “no.”

• ✅ How to raise emotionally healthy children who are confident, self-accountable, and ready to face the real world.

Imagine feeling calm, even when your child is melting down. 

Imagine knowing exactly what to say so they listen to you—not because they’re afraid, but because they trust and feel connected to you.

If that’s the kind of parenting you want, click the link here to sign up for the free class. 

I’ll guide you through everything you need to know to make this shift and start creating the transformation you’ve been looking for.

Final Thoughts

Remember, you’re not alone in this. 

Every parent struggles. 

But it’s never too late to make a change. 

You have the power to break free from the cycle of control and frustration. 

All it takes is one decision: to focus on connection, not control.

I can’t wait to see you in the class and help you transform your parenting journey!