Epi #142. How I Raise Myself, How I Raise my Children

Have you ever felt like you're still growing up while trying to be the best parent you can be?

I know I have.

Just the other day, a fellow mom reached out to me with a heartfelt message:

"I feel like I'm as emotionally immature as my child. We share the same triggers. When they're overwhelmed, I feel the same way. How do I raise a secure child while I'm still trying to raise myself?"

Her words hit me hard because I've been there too.

As a parenting coach and a mom of twin boys—one of whom is autistic—I understand the challenges of raising children while also working on yourself.

But here's the good news: You can do both.

In this blog post, I'll share my personal journey and the steps I've taken to grow alongside my children.

By the end, you'll have practical tips to help you nurture both yourself and your child.

1. Embracing Self-Compassion

Being Kind to Yourself

When I became a mom, I wanted to be perfect.

But let's be real—nobody's perfect.

There were days when I'd lose my temper or make mistakes.

I used to beat myself up about it.

"Marcela, you should know better!" I'd say to myself.

But then I realized something important: If I couldn't be kind to myself, how could I teach my children to be kind?

One morning, my son spilled his juice all over the kitchen floor.

I felt the frustration bubbling up.

But instead of snapping, I took a deep breath.

I reminded myself that accidents happen.

"It's okay," I told him. "Let's clean it up together."

In that moment, I showed compassion to both of us.

When you're patient with yourself, it's easier to be patient with your child.

Self-compassion helps you stay calm during tough moments.

It also sets a positive example for your kids.

Tips to Practice Self-Compassion

• Acknowledge Your Feelings: It's okay to feel frustrated or tired.
• Speak Kindly to Yourself: Use gentle words, just like you would with a friend.
• Forgive Yourself: Everyone makes mistakes. Learn and move forward.

2. Understanding and Honoring Your Needs

Listening to Your Inner Voice

As parents, we often put our needs last.

But ignoring your needs doesn't help anyone.

I learned this the hard way.

Last Thanksgiving, we were invited to a big family dinner.

My autistic son was anxious about going.

Truth be told, so was I.

Large gatherings can be overwhelming for both of us.

Instead of forcing ourselves, we came up with a plan.

We asked if there was a quiet room we could use if things got too hectic.

Having that space made all the difference.

We enjoyed the dinner, knowing we had a safe place to retreat to if needed.

When you take care of yourself, you have more energy and patience for your child.

You also teach them that it's okay to set boundaries and listen to their own needs.

Tips to Understand and Meet Your Needs

• Identify Triggers: Notice what situations cause you stress.
• Plan Ahead: Find solutions to make challenging situations easier.
• Ask for Help: It's okay to reach out to friends or family.

3. Setting Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries are limits we set to protect our well-being.

They are not about controlling others but about taking care of ourselves.

My family used to offer lots of unsolicited advice about how I should raise my kids.

It made me feel judged and frustrated.

One day, I decided to set a boundary.

"I appreciate your concern," I told them, "but I'm confident in my parenting choices."

If they continued, I would politely change the subject or take a break from the conversation.

Over time, they learned to respect my boundaries.

Setting boundaries helps you feel more in control and less stressed.

It also teaches your children about respect—both for themselves and others.

Tips to Set Healthy Boundaries

• Be Clear: Let others know what you are and aren't comfortable with.
• Stay Calm: Communicate your boundaries without anger.
• Follow Through: If a boundary is crossed, take action to uphold it.

4. Breaking Free from the Cycle of Reactivity

Do you ever find yourself reacting without thinking?

Maybe you yell or say things you later regret.

I've been there too.

There was a time when bedtime was a nightmare.

My sons would resist going to sleep, and I'd end up raising my voice.

It left all of us feeling upset.

I knew something had to change.

I realized that my reactions were tied to my own stress and unresolved feelings.

I needed to find a way to stay calm.

That's when I developed the Parenting With Understanding system.

It helped me respond thoughtfully instead of reacting on impulse.

When you manage your reactions, you create a more peaceful home.

Your children feel safer and more loved.

Tips to Reduce Reactivity

• Pause Before Responding: Take a deep breath when you feel yourself getting upset.
• Identify Your Triggers: Understand what sets you off so you can prepare.
• Practice Mindfulness: Stay present in the moment to reduce stress.

5. Building Strong Communication

Good communication is key to any relationship.

But it's not always easy, especially with kids.

My son used to ignore me when I asked him to do something.

It was frustrating.

But then I realized I needed to communicate differently.

I started getting down to his eye level and speaking softly.

I gave clear and simple instructions.

Slowly, he began to respond better.

When your child feels heard and understood, they're more likely to listen to you.

It strengthens your bond.

Tips for Better Communication

• Listen Actively: Pay full attention when your child is speaking.
• Use Simple Language: Keep instructions clear and age-appropriate.
• Show Empathy: Acknowledge their feelings, even if you don't agree.

6. Repairing After Mistakes

No parent is perfect.

There will be times when you lose your cool.

What's important is what you do next.

One day, I snapped at my son over something small.

I felt terrible afterward.

Instead of ignoring it, I chose to apologize.

"I'm sorry for yelling," I told him. "I was feeling frustrated, but that's not your fault."

We hugged, and it brought us closer.

Apologizing shows your child that everyone makes mistakes.

It teaches them accountability and forgiveness.

Tips for Repairing

• Apologize Sincerely: Keep it simple and heartfelt.
• Take Responsibility: Acknowledge your actions without making excuses.
• Make Amends: Ask how you can make it better.

7. You're Not Alone

Parenting can be tough.

But remember, you're not alone.

Many parents face the same challenges.

I once felt isolated, thinking I was the only one struggling.

But when I started sharing my experiences, I found a community of supportive parents.

We learned from each other and grew together.

Connecting with others provides encouragement and new ideas.

It helps you feel understood.

Ways to Connect

• Join Parenting Groups: Online or in-person groups can offer support.
• Talk to Friends: Share your experiences with trusted friends.
• Seek Professional Help: A parenting coach or counselor can provide guidance.

8. Taking the Next Step

Ready to Transform Your Parenting?

If you're feeling overwhelmed or unsure, it's okay to ask for help.

That's why I created a Free Class just for you.

Join Our Free Class

In this class, you will:

✅ Overcome Angry Reactions

Learn our signature Parenting With Understanding system to have calm responses during your children's chaos.

✅ Communicate Assertively

Gain an understanding of what you need to communicate so your children listen to you, even when you say "no."

✅ Raise Emotionally Healthy Children

Know what is needed to raise kids who can face the real world with confidence and self-accountability.

Imagine This

• Feeling confident in your parenting.
• Having a home filled with peace and understanding.
• Building a strong, loving relationship with your child.

You and your child deserve that.

👉 Click here to sign up for the Free Class

Parenting is a journey of growth—for both you and your child.

By practicing self-compassion, understanding your needs, setting boundaries, and improving communication, you can create a happier home.

Remember, it's okay to be a work in progress.

You're doing your best, and that's what matters.

Let's take this journey together.

You're not alone.

Join the Community

If you found this blog helpful, please share it with other parents who might benefit.

Feel free to leave a comment or reach out with any questions.

Together, we can make parenting a more joyful experience.

Remember:

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."

Take that step today by joining our Free Class.

👉 Sign Up  Now

Thank you for reading.

Wishing you and your family all the best on your parenting journey.