Epi #147. How to Get Your Child to Listen Right Away Using Positive Parenting Language
Jan 14, 2025
Have you ever wished you could ask your child to do something—just once—and they’d listen right away?
You might picture a peaceful morning, everyone cooperating, no yelling in sight.
But for many of us, that feels like a dream.
I remember mornings with my twins where I’d repeat the same instruction over and over, only to end up sounding like a broken record.
Then, when they still didn’t listen, I’d feel my frustration bubble up.
I’d snap.
And I’d spend the rest of the day feeling guilty.
But here’s some good news:
2025 can be different.
In this blog, I’ll share three simple steps to get your child to listen faster, using kind words that still hold firm boundaries.
We call it “Positive Parenting Language,” and it’s helped my family—and thousands of other families—reduce stress and bring more calm into daily life.
1. Understanding the Power of Positive Parenting Language
What Is Positive Parenting Language?
Positive Parenting Language is about telling your child what to do, instead of only telling them what not to do.
It’s also about speaking in a calm, clear way that teaches skills, rather than just scolding.
So, instead of saying “Stop yelling!” you might say, “Use a quiet voice, please.”
Instead of “Don’t run!” you could say, “Walk slowly right now.”
Kids, especially sensitive or neurodivergent kids, often shut down when they hear harsh words like “Stop!” or “No!” over and over.
But they open up when you guide them with positive directions.
They want to know what they can do.
What It’s Not
This doesn’t mean you never say “no” again.
Sometimes you have to say “no”—like, “No, we can’t stay at the park all day because it’s closing.”
But the idea is to not rely on “no” or “stop” as your main words.
Also, positive language doesn’t mean letting kids do whatever they want.
You can still have rules and limits, but you set them kindly.
Example:
“No more cookies right now” can become, “You can have one cookie after dinner.”
The limit is the same, but the tone changes from negative to hopeful.
2. My Personal Story
Repeating Myself Endlessly
Years ago, my mornings were pure chaos.
I’d tell my child, “Get dressed, please,” then “Get dressed, please,” again and again.
He’d ignore me, or stare at the TV, or daydream.
I’d feel my chest tighten.
I’d think, “Why won’t he just listen?”
Eventually, I’d snap.
“Enough! Just do it right now!”
He’d jump in fear, and I’d feel that awful guilt in my stomach.
I knew I was turning into the parent I promised I’d never be.
The Switch
Things changed when I tried Positive Parenting Language.
I read about focusing on what I want him to do, not what I want him to stop.
So instead of “Why can’t you listen?” I’d say, “We put on clothes so we can have more time to play before school.”
If he was still stuck, I’d add, “Look, these clothes are laid out. Let’s put them on step by step.”
He started cooperating faster because he felt guided, not attacked.
It was like a lightbulb moment: Less yelling, more results.
3. Step 1: State the Action You Want
Switch “Stop!” to “Start”
When your child is jumping on the couch, the typical response might be: “Stop jumping!”
That focuses on the negative, and they might freeze or ignore you.
Try, “Feet on the floor, please,” or “I see you want to jump. Let’s jump on a small trampoline instead.”
Now you’ve given them a clear action—no guesswork.
Why It Works
Kids need to know exactly what you want them to do.
Words like “stop” or “don’t” don’t explain the right action.
They only shut down the wrong one.
But your child is left thinking: “Okay, I can’t do that, but then what do I do?”
Positive words fill in that blank.
Example in Daily Life
Scenario: Your child is whining for a snack.
- Stop Language: “Quit whining! You can’t have a snack now.”
- Positive Language: “Use your calm voice, and I’ll help you pick a healthy snack.”
The second option shows them how to talk (calm voice) and that you’re open to finding a solution.
They see a path to success, not just a door slammed shut.
4. Step 2: Keep It Short and Calm
Less Is More
When we’re upset, we sometimes launch into a long lecture.
But kids, especially sensitive or neurodivergent kids, tune out quickly.
Short sentences are easier to process.
Example:
Instead of, “I told you a hundred times to get your shoes on, we’re running late, why can’t you just do it?” try, “Shoes on, please. It’s time to go.”
Keep it to one or two sentences.
Stay Calm, Even If You’re Angry
Yes, anger is normal.
But yelling makes kids stressed and less likely to hear you.
If you need a moment, breathe in and out before you speak.
Then keep your voice level.
Tip:
Try counting to five silently if you feel heat rising.
You might be surprised how that tiny pause saves you from a big blowup.
Example in Daily Life
Scenario: Child refuses to turn off the tablet.
- Stop Language: “Turn that off now! I’ve had enough of your screen time!”
- Positive and Calm: “Tablets off. It’s time for dinner. Let’s do it now so we can all eat together.”
Short. Direct. Calm.
5. Step 3: Offer a Better Option
“Yes” Within Limits
Often kids just need to see that we’re not shutting them down completely.
If you say “No screens,” they think “Never?”
But if you say, “Yes, you can have screen time after homework,” they see a path to “yes.”
They feel hope, not defeat.
Give an Alternative
When you remove a behavior (like jumping on the couch), suggest where that energy can go (like jumping on a mat).
This helps them do something fun or positive instead of feeling scolded.
Example:
Your child is drawing on the wall?
- Stop Language: “Stop that! Don’t you ever do that again!”
- Positive Switch: “Paper is for drawing. Let me give you some paper right here. You can draw a big picture.”
Example in Daily Life
Scenario: Child wants to stay at the park forever.
- Stop Language: “Stop whining! We’re leaving, end of story!”
- Positive Approach: “We have five more minutes to play, then we go home. But tomorrow we can come again if we have time.”
You’re still leaving, but you gave them a heads up and a future plan.
They feel respected.
6. The Benefits
- More Listening
Kids respond better to words that guide them instead of scold them. - Less Stress for You
You repeat yourself less, so you don’t hit that boiling point as often. - Boosts Confidence
Kids feel you believe in them, which makes them believe in themselves. - Safer Home Environment
You teach them how to handle big emotions calmly, lowering the overall tension. - Great for Sensitive or Neurodivergent Kids
They often shut down at harsh words, but thrive on clear, kind directions.
7. A Real-Life Story
Let me share a quick success story from one of my clients.
She had a daughter who freaked out every time it was time to clean up toys.
The mom usually said, “Stop whining and pick up your toys!”
The child would cry harder.
After learning positive language, she tried: “You can pick up these stuffed animals first. I’ll help you. Then you can choose a fun song we’ll play while we finish the rest.”
The child giggled, then picked up the stuffed animals.
The meltdown vanished.
The mom ended the night smiling, not yelling.
8. Putting It All Together
Positive Parenting Language means telling your child the action you want, keeping it short and calm, and offering a better option if they need one.
It’s not magic, but it’s close.
By changing your words, you create a home where kids feel guided, not attacked.
They trust you more.
They listen faster.
You go to bed with less guilt and more peace.
9. Join Our Free Class
Want a deeper look at how to keep your cool and help your kids listen?
I have a Free Class where I’ll show you our Parenting With Understanding System.
In this class, you’ll learn how to:
- Overcome Angry Reactions: So you can have calm responses during your child’s chaos.
- Communicate Assertively: So your children listen, even when you say “no.”
- Raise Emotionally Healthy Children: So they feel safe and grow confident to handle the real world.
Imagine: You speak once, your child follows through, and your evenings end with a smile.
That’s what this class is all about.
Ready to Start?
Click Here to Access Our Free Class
Let’s make 2025 your calmest, happiest year of parenting yet.
Positive language isn’t about being overly sweet or letting your kids rule the house.
It’s about showing them the right way in a respectful tone.
Less “Stop!” and more “Try this, please.”
You’ll see them listen quicker and feel calmer.
Give it a try this week.
Remember, even small changes in your words can lead to big changes in their response.
You’ve got this.
Thank you for reading, and here’s to a great year of kind, effective parenting!
