Epi #148. How to Raise Children Who Love Each Other and Don't Fight

Have you ever dreamed of a day when your kids just get along?

You picture them playing quietly, sharing toys, and laughing together.

No more constant bickering or big arguments that leave everyone upset.

But every time you try to stop their fights, you end up feeling stressed, guilty, and tired.

Maybe you even wonder if they’ll ever truly like each other.

Guess what?

That dream can be real.

I have seen many parents (myself included!) go from daily sibling fights to kids who play happily most of the time.

It’s not magic, but it’s totally possible.

In this blog article, I will share 3 simple steps to help your children build a loving bond so they fight less and feel closer.

And yes, even if your kids are sensitive or have special needs, you can enjoy a more peaceful home.

1. Why Kids Fight

New Sibling Stress

Many times, trouble starts when a new baby joins the family.

The older child feels scared they won’t get enough of Mom or Dad anymore.

They see the baby getting held all day and think, “What about me?”

This can lead to fights because they compete for your attention.

I remember when my oldest first met his new sibling.

He loved the baby at first, but soon he worried I loved the baby more.

That worry made him more cranky and quick to fight.

Once I realized this, I started giving him special one-on-one time each day.

Even 10 minutes of reading together or playing a silly game made a difference.

Limited Resources

Kids fight when they feel there’s not enough—enough love, enough toys, or even enough space.

Imagine you’re at work and they say, “We might not have enough chairs for everyone at the meeting.”

You’d scramble for a seat!

That’s how children feel sometimes: worried they’ll be left out.

So they fight to claim what they think is theirs.

Different Needs and Stages

A 2-year-old and a 10-year-old see the world very differently.

The older one might call the younger one “annoying baby,” while the younger one just wants a play buddy.

Sometimes it’s not about meanness—it’s just that their interests clash.

Maybe your teenage daughter wants quiet space, but your 6-year-old wants a fun partner.

They argue because their needs don’t match.

2. Step 1: Fill Their “Love Bank”

Show Them There’s Enough of You

Kids crave your attention.

When they worry they have to “fight” for it, they fight each other instead.

Let them know you have love for both (or all) of them.

Try using words like, “There is plenty of Mommy for all of you,” or “I love you both the same.”

I did this with my twins.

When they would push each other off my lap, I’d say, “I held both of you in my tummy. Of course I can hold you now!”

They’d giggle and stop pushing.

One-on-One Time

Make small moments each day for each child by themselves.

It could be 10 minutes reading a book or taking a quick walk.

During that time, focus on them, ask about their day, and listen.

This quiet moment tells them, “You matter to me,” which reduces jealousy or fear that you like one child better.

Affirm Their Unique Strengths

Instead of comparing siblings, celebrate what each does well.

One child might draw amazing pictures, while another makes people laugh.

Point out those good things often: “I love how you help your sister tie her shoes,” or “You make the funniest jokes!”

When kids feel valued, they’re less likely to start fights to get noticed.

3. Step 2: Translate Their Emotions and Teach Empathy

Become the “Feelings Translator”

Kids don’t always read each other’s signals well.

One might wave a toy in the other’s face, thinking it’s a game, while the other child feels annoyed or scared.

This can spark a fight fast.

Whenever you see tension growing, step in calmly and label what’s happening.

• “Alex, your sister looks worried. See how she’s backing away? That means she wants more space.”
• “Maria, your brother’s face is sad. He might feel left out.”

By naming their feelings, you help them understand each other better.

Help Them Express Needs

Sometimes kids fight because they need something but don’t know how to ask.

They might say hurtful words like, “Go away!” but really they mean “I need some quiet.”

Teach them phrases that explain their feelings: “I need a break,” or “I want to play alone now, please.”

Guide them step by step.

It might sound like: “Jake, tell your sister, ‘I need space right now,’ instead of shouting at her.”

Repeating this helps them learn a healthier way to communicate.

Encourage Apologies and Repair

Yes, siblings will still fight.

But they can learn to fix things after a fight.

Show them how to say sorry and ask how they can make it better.

• “I’m sorry I took your book. Can I give it back and draw something for you?”
• “I shouldn’t have yelled. Do you want a hug?”

This teaches them they can fight and still love each other afterward, which builds trust.

4. Step 3: Guide Them Toward Peaceful Solutions

Problem-Solving Together

Teach your kids to solve issues as a team.

When they disagree, ask, “What can we do so both of you are happy?”

Let them brainstorm ideas.

Maybe one gets the toy for 5 minutes, then the other gets it for 5 minutes.

Or they find a new game they both like.

By focusing on “We,” they learn to cooperate.

Redirection Instead of Punishment

When you see tension building, step in with a redirection before they explode.

• “Hey, I see you both grabbing the same puzzle piece. We have more puzzles over here. Let’s grab another set so you each have one.”

This shifts them away from the conflict to something more positive.

No blame, no shame—just action.

Celebrate Good Moments

When you catch them playing nicely or helping each other, celebrate it.

• “I love how you shared your crayons with your brother!”
• “You both solved that problem yourselves. Great job!”

Positive attention for good behavior encourages them to repeat it.

5. When Big Emotions Take Over

Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, big emotions will erupt.

If your kids start screaming or throwing things, remember to help them calm down first.

No real teaching happens when their emotions are at 100%.

Use a calm voice.

Maybe separate them if needed until they cool off.

Then, when everyone’s calmer, talk about what happened and how to fix it.

6. My Personal Experience

I saw the power of these steps with my own twins.

They used to fight over little stuff—like who put on shoes first.

I started telling them, “I have enough love for both of you,” and made a system: if I helped Twin A first this morning, I’d help Twin B first later.

They relaxed, knowing they’d each get their turn.

Now they still squabble sometimes, but they recover quickly, and I rarely see big blowouts.

They even help each other with chores (when bribed with a small treat, of course!).

7. The Payoff

When your kids learn these habits—expressing needs, empathy, sharing—life at home softens.

You’ll hear more laughter than screams.

You’ll see them choose to help each other instead of fight.

And you’ll feel proud, knowing you helped build a strong sibling bond.

8. Your Next Step

You might be wondering, “How can I stay calm and keep helping them when I feel so stressed?”

That’s where my free class comes in.

I’ll show you our Parenting With Understanding system, which helps you:

• Overcome Angry Reactions so you stay calm, even in sibling chaos.
• Communicate Assertively so your kids listen—yes, even when you say “no.”
• Raise Emotionally Healthy Children who feel safe with each other and grow up confident.

Imagine:

A year from now, your children actually enjoy each other’s company.

They solve small fights on their own and you’re no longer the referee 24/7.

That can be real.

Click here  to sign up for my free class and start making sibling love a reality in your home.

Raising siblings who love (and don’t fight much) is possible with a few key strategies.

When we show them they have enough of us, help them read each other’s feelings, and guide them to share and solve problems, they learn to bond instead of battle.

Give these steps a try.

I can’t wait to hear your success stories.

Remember, it only takes understanding of yourself and your children’s needs to raise secure kids who truly love each other.