Epi #151. Your Child's Love language: 5 Love Languages of Children

Have you ever wondered why your child sometimes seems a little sad or alone, even when you are right there?

Maybe you try to show love the way you learned from your own parents, but your child still feels something is missing.

Imagine if you could give love in the exact way your child needs to feel safe, happy, and truly cared for.

That is the secret to a home full of giggles, hugs, and a lot less fighting over small things.

In this article, you will find answers to help you love your children the way they want to be loved.

I will show you how to speak your child’s love language so that every day feels warm and connected.

I’m Marcela Collier, a certified parenting coach and founder of HIC Parenting Education Agency.

I have helped over 14,151 parents break free from reactive cycles and raise secure, happy children.

Today, I want to share with you a roadmap that changed my life and the lives of many parents.

Let’s learn how to love your children the way they want to be loved.

Your Child’s Unique Way of Feeling Loved

What Does Your Child Need?

Every child is different.
They all have a special way they want to feel loved.
It is not the same for every child.
Some kids feel happy with a big warm hug, while others feel safe with a gentle pat on the back.
Some love kind words, and others feel best when you spend time with them or give them a small gift.

When you learn your child’s love language, you start giving love in the exact way that fills their heart.
They will listen better, smile more, and feel safe when you show love the right way.

The Gift of Unconditional Love

Unconditional love is giving love all the time, without any “ifs” or “buts.”
This means you love your child no matter what they do.
Some parents make love feel like a reward, saying things like, “If you do this, you get that.”
But that can make children feel like they have to earn your love.
True love is like the sun—it rises every day, no matter what.
Your child should know that your love is always there, without any conditions.

The Five Love Languages for Children

Dr. Gary Chapman taught us that there are five ways children feel loved.
When you know these love languages, you can give love in a way that makes your child feel happy and safe.
Let’s learn about each of these five love languages.

Physical Touch

What It Is:
Physical touch means any gentle contact that shows you care.
It is not only hugs and kisses—it can be a high five, a pat on the back, or simply sitting close together.

Why It Matters:
Many children feel the strongest love through touch.
A simple touch tells them, “I am here with you,” and that they are safe.

Example:
My younger child sometimes does not like a big, tight hug.
Yet, a quick pat on the shoulder or a gentle tickle on the feet makes him smile.

How to Use It:

• Watch how your child likes to be touched.
• Try different types of gentle touches until you see which one lights up their face.
• Use that touch regularly to build a warm connection.

Words of Affirmation

What It Is:
Words of affirmation are kind words that tell your child they are special.
It is more than a simple “good job”—it is a specific, warm message that makes them feel seen.

Why It Matters:
When a child hears kind and specific words, they feel proud and happy.
They know exactly what you love about them, and that builds their confidence.

Example:
Instead of saying just “good job,” try saying, “I love how you cleaned your room all by yourself. I am so proud of you!”
This gives your child clear praise and makes them feel loved.

How to Use It:

• Be specific about what you appreciate about your child.
• Speak gently and kindly.
• Offer praise often, even for small actions.

Quality Time

What It Is:
Quality time means giving your child your full attention.
It is a special time just for the two of you, where you can talk or play without distractions.

Why It Matters:
When a child gets your undivided time, they feel important.
They learn that you enjoy being with them and that your time is a precious gift.

Example:
I make sure to spend at least five minutes every day with each child alone.
It could be reading a short story at bedtime or talking about their day over breakfast.

How to Use It:

• Set aside a small, dedicated time each day for one-on-one time with your child.
• Turn off the TV and put away your phone during this time.
• Use this time to listen and share together.

Acts of Service

What It Is:
Acts of service are helpful actions that show your child you care.
It means doing something for them that makes their day easier, and teaching them to do it themselves.

Why It Matters:
When you help your child and show them how to do something, they learn and grow.
They feel supported and gain confidence in their abilities.

Example:
When your child has trouble tying their shoes, sit down with them and show them how to do it.
This helps them learn a skill and shows that you care about their growth.

How to Use It:

• Offer to help with small tasks, then teach your child the steps.
• Do things together so your child feels supported.
• Praise them as they learn to do things on their own.

Receiving Gifts

What It Is:
Receiving gifts is not about expensive items but about thoughtful surprises that show you care.
A gift is a small token that says, “I was thinking of you.”

Why It Matters:
For some children, a small, meaningful gift can brighten their day.
It makes them feel special and loved.

Example:
A handmade cupcake with your child’s name on it can make them feel really happy.
It shows that you took time to make something just for them.

How to Use It:

• Give small, thoughtful gifts like a note or a little treat.
• Surprise your child sometimes with a kind gesture.
• Remember, the gift is given out of love, not as a reward.

Why Speaking Their Love Language Matters

When you speak your child’s love language, you give them what they truly need to feel safe and happy.
They learn that love is always there for them, not something they must earn.

The Benefits for Your Child:

• More Cooperation:
  Your child listens better and follows your guidance because they feel understood.
• Stronger Bond:
  They feel close to you and know you care, which builds trust.
• Less Resistance:
  When children feel loved in their own way, they are less likely to act out.
• Future Confidence:
  Growing up with unconditional love helps your child be brave and kind in life.

For example, when I learned to speak my child’s love language of quality time, our home changed.
Instead of feeling left out or unloved, my child began to share their feelings and smile more.
This created a home full of warmth and connection.

How to Speak Your Child’s Love Language Unconditionally

What Does Unconditional Love Mean?

Unconditional love means you give love all the time.
It is not a reward or a trade—it is simply a gift that you offer every day.
Your child should feel safe knowing that your love is there no matter what happens.

Avoiding the Pitfall of Conditional Love

Many parents, without realizing it, say, “If you do well, you get a treat.”
This makes children feel like they must earn love, which is not healthy.
Instead, let your love be constant.
Love is like a warm light that never goes out, even on bad days.

How to Practice This Daily

• Choose One Love Language to Focus On:
  Observe your child and see which love language makes them shine—maybe it is quality time or kind words.
• Be Consistent:
  Make it a daily habit. For instance, if your child loves quality time, set a special five-minute routine each day just for you two.
• Mix It Up:
  Even if your child has a primary love language, they still enjoy other expressions of love.
  Try giving a thoughtful gift or doing a small act of service every now and then.

By practicing unconditional love, you build a home where your child feels secure and happy.
They will know that you love them no matter what, and that trust will help them grow strong and confident.

 Real-Life Stories and Examples

Let me share a story from my own life.
When I first started speaking my child’s love language, I noticed a big change in our home.

Before, I would only give treats when my child behaved well.
This made my child feel like they had to earn my love.
Then, I began to give love freely—through quality time, kind words, gentle touches, and thoughtful surprises.

One day, after school, my child came home upset.
Instead of scolding or rushing them off to do something else, I sat with them during our special snack time and listened.
I said, “I know school was hard today. I am here for you, and I love spending time with you.”
That moment of connection changed everything.
My child began to open up more, and the fights and tantrums became fewer.
They felt safe, valued, and truly loved.

Other parents have seen similar changes.
One parent said, “My child now runs to me with a smile every day because I show love in a way that makes them feel safe.”
These small changes add up, transforming your home into a place of warmth and trust.

The Impact on Your Family

When you learn to love your children the way they want to be loved, amazing things happen in your family.

Benefits You Will Notice:

• Better Communication:
  Your child will speak more openly about their feelings because they know they are heard and loved.
• Stronger Family Bonds:
  When every member of the family feels loved unconditionally, relationships grow stronger and more trusting.
• A More Peaceful Home:
  Fewer conflicts and more understanding replace daily struggles and stress.
• Long-Term Confidence:
  Children who feel deeply loved are more likely to become kind, confident, and resilient adults.

Imagine a day when your child eagerly runs to you after school, ready to share their day, or when they settle down at bedtime with a warm smile because they know you love them—just as they want to be loved.
That is the power of speaking their love language in a way that is real and unconditional.

How to Get Started Today

It’s time to put these ideas into action and start loving your children the way they want to be loved.

Observe Your Child

Watch your child closely and notice what makes them light up.
Do they smile when you give them a gentle pat?
Do they feel special when you say kind words?
Their reactions are clues to their primary love language.

Ask Simple Questions

Even simple questions can help you learn what they need.
Try asking, “Do you like it when I spend time with you?” or “What makes you feel happy when we are together?”
Their answers, even if simple, will guide you.

Create a Daily Habit

Make a small, daily ritual that focuses on one love language.
For example, if your child loves quality time, spend five minutes just talking or playing together every day.
If they love words of affirmation, find moments to tell them something kind and specific.

Mix It Up

Even if your child has a favorite love language, include other forms of love in your routine.
This variety helps your child feel loved in every way possible.

Reflect on the Change

Notice how your child’s behavior changes.
Do they smile more?
Are they more open to talking with you?
These are signs that your love is making a difference.

Every small step you take to speak your child’s love language builds a stronger, more connected home.
Remember, it is not about big gestures, but about consistent, heartfelt actions that show your child they are truly loved.

Call to Action: Join My Free Class

If you are ready to transform your parenting and truly love your children the way they want to be loved, I have a gift for you.
I invite you to join my Free Class where I share the Parenting With Understanding System.

In this free class, you will learn how to:

✅ Overcome Angry Reactions: Stay calm during your children’s chaos.
✅ Communicate Assertively: Help your children listen, even when you say “no.”
✅ Raise Emotionally Healthy Children: Teach them to face the world with confidence and self-accountability.

Imagine a home filled with warmth, trust, and deep connection—where every child feels seen, heard, and truly loved.
This class will give you the tools to create that reality.

Click here to sign up for the Free Class

Take that step today to break free from reactive parenting and start loving your children in the way they need to feel truly cherished.
Your family deserves a home where love flows freely every single day.

Final Thoughts

Every child is unique, and they all have a special way they want to feel loved.
When you learn to speak your child’s love language, you build a bond that lasts a lifetime.
It is not about giving rewards for good behavior or showing love only when they meet expectations.
It is about being present, consistent, and unconditional in your love.

I know it can be hard if you grew up with love that had strings attached.
But every small change you make builds a stronger, more connected family.
Your child will grow up feeling secure, understood, and confident.
You have the power to create a warm and loving home where every moment is filled with true connection.

Start today by learning your child’s love language and watch your family transform—one loving moment at a time.

Thank you for reading, and I hope you feel inspired to give your love in the way your child truly needs.