Epi #157. How to Get Children to Behave Good. Preventative Discipline

Does Every Little Thing Turn Into a Battle?

Brushing teeth? Meltdown.

Getting out the door? Power struggle.

Bedtime? Complete chaos.

You’re exhausted, and all you want is for your child to just listen the first time.

You’ve tried everything—gentle approaches, consequences, rewards. Nothing seems to stick.

But here’s the thing: Most discipline happens too late.

Parents often react after the behavior has already spiraled.

What if, instead of constantly correcting misbehavior, you could prevent it from happening in the first place?

That’s exactly what we’re talking about today: Preventative Discipline—how to stop meltdowns, defiance, and power struggles before they even start.

What Is Preventative Discipline?

Most parents focus on correcting behavior.

"How do I stop my child from throwing a tantrum?"
"What do I do when my child refuses to listen?"
"What’s the consequence for hitting?"

But correcting behavior is exhausting.

It’s like trying to clean up a mess after the milk has already spilled.

Preventative discipline is different.

It’s about anticipating what might cause the meltdown and giving your child tools to handle it before it even happens.

Why Do Kids "Misbehave"?

The truth? Kids don’t act out for no reason.

They act out because something is triggering them.

If we don’t understand these triggers, we end up reacting in frustration instead of guiding them calmly.

And that just creates more stress for everyone.

So let’s talk about the three biggest triggers that cause 90% of misbehavior—and how to stop them before they start.

1️⃣ Direct Triggers: The "Right Now" Problem

These are the easiest to spot.

A direct trigger happens in the moment—something immediate is causing the behavior.

Example: Bedtime Meltdowns

Your child refuses to go to bed and starts screaming when you say, "Goodnight."

What’s really happening?
They aren’t misbehaving for fun. They’re struggling with separation anxiety.

✅ How to prevent it:

• Create a consistent bedtime ritual (a short cuddle, a favorite song, a bedtime mantra).
• Use a visual timer so they can see when bedtime is coming.
• Offer connection before correction (fill their emotional cup before saying goodnight).

This turns bedtime from a battle into a peaceful transition.

2️⃣ Indirect Triggers: Carrying Stress from Earlier

Sometimes, a child seems to explode for no reason.

But it’s not random.

They are carrying built-up stress from earlier in the day.

Example: After-School Outbursts

Your child comes home from school and immediately starts whining, yelling, or picking fights.

You wonder, Why are they acting like this? Nothing even happened!

What’s really happening?
Their brain is still processing everything from school—social stress, overstimulation, frustration.

They held it together all day… now it’s spilling out at home.

✅ How to prevent it:

• Give them 30 minutes of decompression time before asking questions or giving directions.
• Offer a sensory activity (jumping on a trampoline, squeezing a stress ball).
• Check in emotionally: "I noticed school was a long day. Want to talk about it?"

By addressing stress before it builds up, you reduce after-school meltdowns.

3️⃣ Trauma Triggers: Emotional Wounds from the Past

Some behaviors aren’t just about today’s stress.

They’re about past experiences that left an emotional mark.

Example: Overreacting to Small Conflicts

Your child overreacts when another child bumps into them—hitting back, screaming, or shutting down completely.

It seems like an extreme reaction to a small thing.

What’s really happening?
If your child has been spanked, punished harshly, or physically restrained, their brain remembers those moments as threats.

Now, even small interactions can trigger a big fear response.

✅ How to prevent it:

• Acknowledge the fear: "That was surprising, huh? You’re safe now."
• Teach new responses: “Next time, you can say, ‘Please don’t push me.’”
• Model calm reactions so they see how to handle stress differently.

When we heal the emotional wound, behavior improves naturally.

What’s the Biggest Mistake Parents Make?

Many parents believe:

"If I just explain it enough, my child will get it."

So they lecture.

They explain why hitting is bad… why brushing teeth is important… why we shouldn’t yell.

But kids don’t learn through lectures.

They learn through action steps.

Instead of saying, “Stop fighting with your sister,” try:
✔️ "You can each take turns picking a song to play."
✔️ "If you’re feeling frustrated, you can take a break or squeeze this pillow."

Give them a clear, simple tool instead of a long explanation.

It works so much better.

How to Prevent Power Struggles

One of the fastest ways to stop behavior problems before they start?

Anticipate your child’s hardest moments and build in preventative strategies.

Example: A Child Who Struggles with Transitions

Your child hates stopping what they’re doing—whether it’s leaving the park or turning off the TV.

Instead of suddenly saying "Time’s up!", try:

✅ Give a transition warning ("Five more minutes, then we’re leaving.")
✅ Let them set a final goal ("Do you want one last slide or one last swing?")
✅ Use a fun transition phrase ("Let’s pretend we’re race cars zooming home!")

This reduces meltdowns and resistance because your child feels prepared.

Want to Get Your Child to Listen Without Yelling?

I know what you might be thinking…

"This all makes sense, but what if I still lose my patience?"
"What if I don’t know how to respond in the moment?"
"What if my child just doesn’t listen?"

That’s exactly why I created a free class for parents like you.

In this class, you’ll learn:
✅ How to stop reacting in frustration and start responding calmly.
✅ The exact words to say so your child listens—without threats or punishments.
✅ How to raise an emotionally healthy child who is confident and accountable.

You can access it right now for FREE here

(And if you’re reading this on my website, just scroll down to sign up!)

This class has helped thousands of parents transform their parenting—and it can help you too.

Go grab your free spot before you forget!

💛 You got this.

Final Thoughts

Parenting doesn’t have to feel like a constant battle.

When you understand your child’s triggers and use preventative discipline, you stop power struggles before they even start.

Try one of these strategies this week and see the difference.

And if this blog helped you, share it with another parent who needs to hear this!

We’re all in this together. 💛

📢 P.S. Don’t forget to grab your free class here—because understanding your child is the first step to raising them with peace. 🚀