Epi #158. The Best Positive Discipline Tools Every Parent MUST Know
Apr 01, 2025
How to Get Your Kids to Behave Without Yelling: The Power of Preventative Discipline
You try to be patient. You try to be calm. But some days it feels like all you're doing is putting out fires.
Your child throws a fit when it’s time to leave the park.
They melt down during homework.
They fight you over brushing their teeth. Again.
And you wonder… Why is it always so hard?
If you’re feeling tired and stuck, I want you to know something:
It’s not that you’re doing it wrong.
It’s just that you might not have the tools to prevent the chaos before it starts.
This blog is where that changes. Let’s talk about preventative discipline—the gentle, powerful approach that helps you avoid power struggles before they happen.
1. What Is Preventative Discipline?
Preventative discipline means helping your child avoid the meltdown by giving them what they need before they fall apart.
It’s not about waiting for them to “mess up” so we can correct them.
It’s about anticipating what might be hard, and helping them be ready for it.
Think of it like this:
If your child struggles with transitions, you can prepare them for the next step instead of dragging them through it.
If they get anxious at bedtime, you can create a calming routine instead of fighting every night.
I use this every day with my kids—and with the 14,000+ families I’ve coached. And it works.
2. Why Does My Child “Misbehave” So Much?
Here’s a secret most people don’t talk about:
Kids don’t “act out” to be bad.
They act out because they’re missing a skill—or they’re overwhelmed by a feeling they don’t know how to handle.
So when your child hits, screams, or refuses to listen, ask yourself:
“What’s hard for them right now?”
That’s the doorway to preventative discipline.
3. Know Their Triggers
To prevent big reactions, we need to know what causes them.
There are three types of triggers to watch for:
- Direct triggers: What’s happening right now. Like saying goodbye at bedtime.
- Indirect triggers: Something stressful earlier in the day or week.
- Trauma triggers: Deeper wounds from past experiences.
One mom I coached realized her son always had meltdowns after loud school assemblies. That wasn’t “bad behavior.” It was a sensory need.
Once she planned a quiet activity after assemblies, the meltdowns stopped.
4. Build a Plan Together
Kids behave best when they feel safe and prepared.
That’s why I always say: Make a plan with your child—not for them.
Even young kids can help create a simple plan for what to do when they feel overwhelmed.
Older kids can tell you what helps them calm down, what makes them anxious, and what they need to succeed.
When kids help make the plan, they’re more likely to follow it.
5. Use Transitional Activities
A lot of challenging behavior shows up during transitions: leaving the house, going to bed, turning off screens.
So instead of jumping from one thing to another, use a “bridge” to help your child adjust.
With one of my foster kids, bath time was always a fight.
So we added a bath-time game with floating balloons, and eased her into the water with giggles instead of tears.
That’s a transitional activity. It gives your child’s brain time to shift gears.
6. Make It Practical and Fun
Preventative discipline doesn’t mean everything has to be serious.
If your child resists brushing teeth, try brushing together while making silly faces in the mirror.
If they struggle to get ready in the morning, create a picture checklist they can follow.
If your child needs movement to stay focused (like mine), try a walking pad for reading or stand-up homework breaks.
Structure and fun can go together.
7. Think Systems, Not Just Rules
Rules are fine—but systems make life easier.
If mornings are a mess, instead of saying, “Hurry up!” 20 times, set up a system.
Lay out clothes the night before.
Create a routine chart with your child.
Use a timer or song to help them move through steps.
The more predictable things feel, the more peace you’ll have.
8. Use Natural Consequences, Not Shame
If your child forgets their lunch, let them feel the natural outcome (within reason).
If they leave their toys out and something gets lost, let that be the lesson.
There’s no need to yell or guilt-trip.
Natural consequences teach without shame—and your child learns to take responsibility in a healthy way.
9. Talk Less, Practice More
When my son was refusing to eat carrots, I didn’t give him a lecture about nutrition.
We tried slicing them thinner. We played “taste test.” We made it fun.
He finally tried them. That was a win.
Kids don’t need long speeches.
They need practice and patience.
10. Help Them Solve the Problem (Before It Happens Again)
Discipline means helping kids solve problems—not making them pay for having one.
If your child throws a toy, ask:
“What can we do next time when you’re mad?”
If they push a sibling, say:
“What’s another way to show you're upset?”
These talks—done calmly, after the moment—teach so much more than any punishment ever will.
11. What If I’m the One Who Keeps Reacting?
I get it.
You want to be calm, but the yelling sneaks out.
You want to teach, but the frustration takes over.
You're not broken. You're just human. And you're not alone.
If this is where you are, I want to help you.
That’s why I created a free class that shows you how to break the reactive cycle and parent with more peace.
π Join My Free Class: Parenting With Understanding
In this class, you’ll learn:
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How to break free from angry reactions and stay calm during your child’s chaos
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How to communicate so your child actually listens—even when you say “no”
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How to raise emotionally strong, secure kids who take responsibility for their actions
This class has helped thousands of parents go from yelling and guilt… to calm and confident parenting.
It’s free. It’s real. And it’s the start of your transformation.
You don’t have to do this alone.
We’re here to help you and your child feel better, together.
You’ve got this. π
