Epi #159. How NOT to Be Your Parents With Your Kids

Have you ever found yourself yelling, “Why can’t you just behave?” 😩
Only to feel guilty a minute later?

You’re not alone.

As a parenting coach and mom, I’ve worked with thousands of parents who want to raise kind, confident kids—but get stuck in daily power struggles, meltdowns, and misbehavior.

Here’s the truth: your child isn’t being “bad.” They’re showing you a need.

And when we use what I call preventative discipline—instead of just reacting in the moment—we can stop the chaos before it starts.

This blog will show you exactly how. 💛

1. What Is Preventative Discipline?

Preventative discipline is how you help your child behave before problems show up.

Instead of waiting for the meltdown or fight, you:

• Look at what triggers your child
  
  
• Teach them how to handle it
  
  
• Prepare them to succeed next time
  
  

Think of it like brushing teeth.

You don’t wait for cavities—you brush to prevent them.

It’s the same with behavior.

2. What Are Triggers?

Triggers are what spark big feelings and behaviors in your child.

They usually fall into 3 types:

➤ Direct triggers:

Something happens in the moment that sets them off.

Example: You say “Goodnight” and your child starts crying—that’s a direct trigger tied to separation anxiety.

➤ Indirect triggers:

Stress from earlier in the day, or worry about something coming up.

Example: Your child acts wild at dinner, but the real reason? Something upsetting happened earlier at school.

➤ Trauma triggers:

These are deeper. Something small reminds your child of past pain or fear.

Example: If your child has been hit before, even a sibling bumping them may feel scary. They might lash out or shut down.

Once we know the trigger, we can plan ahead.

3. Why Kids "Misbehave" (And Why It's Not What You Think)

Let’s stop calling it misbehavior.

Because most of the time, it’s just unmet needs.

👉 They’re tired.
👉 They’re overstimulated.
👉 They’re overwhelmed and don’t know what to do.

What we see as “not listening” is often a child who is struggling inside.

When we understand their needs, we can stop the yelling and connect instead.

4. 3 Limiting Beliefs That Get In The Way

Let’s talk about some thoughts that might be keeping you stuck.

1. "My child is just difficult."

I used to think this too. But once I saw my child’s behavior as communication, everything changed. It wasn’t that he was trying to give me a hard time—he was having a hard time.

2. "They should know better by now."

Children aren’t mini adults. Their brains are still learning how to manage emotions and solve problems. If they could do better, they would.

3. "I just need to find the right punishment."

Discipline doesn’t mean punishment. It means teaching. And teaching works best when kids feel safe and connected.

5. How Preventative Discipline Works in Real Life

Let me show you what this looks like with real examples from my family.

✅ The Bathroom Battle

My teen used to always run out the door with his shoes in his hand. 😬
It stressed us both out.

He has ADHD, and managing time is hard for him.

So we sat down and made a plan.

Now, he keeps his hair stuff in a basket on the sink, and uses a small bag to catch hair as he gets ready. It cut his time in half—and the stress is gone.

That’s preventative discipline.

✅ The Dentist Meltdown

My autistic son used to scream at the dentist.
He didn’t like the tools going in his mouth.

I asked the dentist to let him feel the tools on his finger first.
That tiny step helped him feel safe.

No more meltdowns.

✅ The Homework Struggle

Another child couldn’t sit still for homework.

He needed movement to stay focused.

So now he reads on our walking pad—moving his body while doing his work.
It works wonders.

6. Your Child Isn’t Broken—They Need a Plan

Preventative discipline is about giving your child a roadmap before they get overwhelmed.

When we plan with them—not just lecture at them—we build connection, not conflict.

It also builds trust. They learn: “Mom gets me. Dad listens. I’m safe here.”

7. How to Create a Plan With Your Child

Here’s how to try it today:

1. Pick one challenge. (Ex: bedtime battles)
   
   
2. Ask what’s hard. (Ex: “It’s too dark,” “I’m scared”)
   
   
3. Make a simple plan together.
   Maybe it’s a night light. Maybe it’s five extra snuggles. Maybe it’s a special stuffed animal.
   
   
4. Practice it ahead of time.
   Use play, role-play, or stories.
   
   
5. Stick to it gently.
   If they struggle, remind them of the plan.
   
   

You’re not just “stopping” behavior—you’re coaching them through it.

8. Transition Tips That Actually Work

Kids don’t like sudden changes.

Use transitional activities to help them shift.

Examples:

• Before bath: blow bubbles
  
  
• Before bedtime: deep pressure snuggles
  
  
• Before a hard task: quick dance party or wall push-ups
  
  

This can cut meltdowns in half. (Trust me, I’ve done it with my foster children and my twins!)

9. Change the Routine, Change the Behavior

Sometimes we follow routines that don’t match our kids’ needs.

I’m not a morning person.

If someone rushed me to work out right when I woke up, I’d be cranky too.

Your child might need more help easing into the day.

💡 Try adjusting your routine:

• Add movement breaks
  
  
• Use visuals to show steps
  
  
• Include calming activities before hard ones
  
  

Preventative discipline isn’t about control—it’s about co-regulation.

10. Start Small—It Matters

You don’t have to change everything overnight.

Pick one part of the day where there’s always a struggle.

Ask:
“What triggers this?”
“What does my child need?”
“How can I support them before it happens again?”

Then try one new idea. Keep it simple.

And don’t forget—connection first. Always.

Ready to Break the Cycle and Become the Parent You Want to Be?

If you’re reading this and thinking,
“Yes, I want to do this…but I don’t know where to start,”

I have something for you.

🎁 I created a FREE class just for parents like you.

It’s called “The U.S.E Method to Correct Any Behavior With Ease”—and in it, I teach you:

✅ How to overcome angry reactions and respond calmly during your child’s chaos
✅ How to talk so your child listens, even when it’s a “no”
✅ How to raise emotionally healthy kids who feel safe and confident

Over 14,000 parents have taken this class—and their parenting changed forever.

You can join them.

➡️ Click here to watch the free class now

This might just be the turning point in your parenting journey.

You don’t have to do this alone anymore.

You’ve got support. You’ve got a plan. You’ve got this. 💛