Epi #161. 4 Signs You're Having Healthy Boundaries With Your Kids

Ever wonder why your child keeps doing the same thing over and over, even when you’ve told them a hundred times not to?

You’re not alone.

A lot of parents come to me saying things like:

“My kid just doesn’t listen.”

“Why do I have to yell to get anything done?”

“I try to set rules, but nothing works!”

Let me tell you something that might surprise you:

Your child’s behavior is not the real problem.

And once you understand what’s actually going on underneath the behavior, things start to change.

That’s what this blog is all about.

As a certified parenting coach, and mom to twin boys (one of them autistic), I’ve helped over 14,000 families break free from daily power struggles and reactive patterns.

And today, I want to help you too.

Let’s talk about what really helps our kids behave better—and it starts with something you might not expect:

Healthy boundaries.

These boundaries don’t involve yelling, threats, or punishments.

They’re rooted in connection, structure, and clarity.

Let me walk you through the 4 signs you’re setting healthy boundaries (and what to do if you’re not).

1. Healthy Boundaries Help Everyone, Not Just You

A healthy boundary teaches your child how your family works.

It’s not just about making life easier for you.

Let me share a quick story.

My dad had a rule when I was growing up: when he got home, the whole house had to be silent.

Not just quiet—whispering quiet.

Even my mom had to whisper.

He was tired. I get that now. But that boundary? It only helped him.

It didn’t help me or my siblings.

It didn’t teach us how to manage our own noise or emotions.

It just made us afraid.

Now, imagine a different kind of rule. One that helps the whole family work together.

Like: “After dinner is quiet time so we can all wind down and get ready for bed.”

That helps everyone.

That’s what we want.

Healthy boundaries guide our kids without shaming or scaring them.

2. Healthy Boundaries Are Consistent

Consistency is the glue.

Even the best rules won’t work if we only follow them sometimes.

Let’s pretend the store near your house has a sign that says it opens at 9am.

But some days, it opens at 8. Other days, it doesn’t open at all.

Would you trust that sign?

Probably not.

Kids feel the same way.

If today you let them eat snacks before dinner, but tomorrow you snap when they ask for a snack… they get confused.

They don’t know what to expect.

That’s when you start seeing tantrums, pushback, and power struggles.

I had a coaching client—let’s call her Amanda.

She said, “My daughter is so stubborn. No matter what I say, she argues.”

But when we looked closely, we realized the rules in their house changed all the time.

Once Amanda got more consistent, guess what?

The arguments stopped.

Your child doesn’t want to fight with you. They just need to know what to expect.

3. Healthy Boundaries Offer Choices

Here’s something most parenting books don’t tell you:

Rules don’t have to feel like walls.

They can be doorways.

Let me explain.

Say your child is being rough with their sibling.

Instead of yelling, “Stop being mean to your sister!”

You can say, “I won’t let you push your sister. What’s a kind way to tell her you’re not ready to share?”

Now you’re giving your child a choice—a better one.

That’s what I call a “range of freedom.”

You’re still guiding them. But you’re doing it in a way that helps them feel seen and heard.

Think about traffic lights.

We all know red means stop, green means go.

But yellow? That’s the in-between.

It gives us a moment to slow down and decide.

That’s what we want to give our kids.

Not just yes or no.

But the yellow.

A moment to learn.

4. Healthy Boundaries Are Rooted in Values

Let’s get honest for a minute.

Some rules we make?

They’re not about safety, kindness, or learning.

They’re about our personal preference.

Like when I made my mother-in-law wear makeup for my wedding.

She doesn’t wear makeup. Ever.

But I pushed it.

And you know what?

She looked uncomfortable the entire day.

Looking back, I wish I had honored her values over my preference.

We do the same with our kids sometimes.

We say things like:

“You have to wear the matching shirt.”

“You can’t go to school in that outfit.”

But why?

If the reason is safety, kindness, or respect—great.

But if it’s just about taste or appearances, maybe it’s time to let that one go.

Healthy boundaries come from what really matters.

Not just what looks nice on the outside.

So, Are Your Boundaries Healthy?

Let’s do a little self-check.

Which of these four signs do you already practice?

✅ Boundaries that help the whole family

✅ Consistent follow-through

✅ Offering choices within limits

✅ Rules that reflect your values

And which one could use some work?

If you’re realizing that your boundaries aren’t as clear or helpful as you want them to be, don’t worry.

You’re not a bad parent.

You’re a learning parent.

That’s what we all are here.

What Happens When Boundaries Are Off?

When boundaries are unclear, inconsistent, or controlling, here’s what tends to happen:

❌ More power struggles

❌ More yelling or giving in

❌ More confusion—for both you and your child

And that’s when we start feeling stuck.

Like we’re either yelling... or letting everything slide.

Like we’re either being the “mean” parent... or the “pushover.”

I get it.

I’ve been there too.

But the good news is...

There’s a Better Way

You can have boundaries that feel calm and kind.

You can raise kids who respect you without fearing you.

You can enjoy your parenting again.

And it starts with understanding what’s beneath your child’s behavior—what they really need from you in the moment.

That’s what I teach in my free class, “The Parenting With Understanding System of Needs.”

In this class, you’ll learn:

✅ How to stay calm during your child’s chaos

✅ How to help your child feel safe and still follow your rules

✅ How to respond without yelling, threatening, or shutting down

✅ How to raise emotionally healthy kids with confidence and self-accountability

This isn’t a lecture full of theory.

This is real-life help.

Tools you can use right away.

And best of all?

It’s free.

Final Thoughts

I want you to imagine something.

Imagine your home is peaceful.

Your kids listen the first time.

You feel proud of how you handle conflict—calm, confident, in control.

You enjoy your children again.

You feel connected to them.

That’s not just a dream.

That can be your reality.

You don’t have to wing it anymore.

You don’t have to repeat what your parents did.

And you don’t have to figure it all out alone.

Take the first step.

Join my free class and learn how to build healthy boundaries that really work.

👉 Click here to watch the free class

You’ll walk away feeling empowered, hopeful, and ready to raise secure children with peace.

You got this, mama.

And I’ve got your back.

—

Marcela Collier
Certified Parenting Coach
Founder of HIC Parenting Education