Epi #105. Effective Discipline Broken Down By Ages from 1-12

Effective Discipline Broken Down By Ages from 1-12

Ever catch yourself wondering if you're getting this whole discipline thing right? 

Maybe you're questioning if you're too soft or maybe a bit too tough, or if your little one even gets what you're trying to teach them. 

If these thoughts sound familiar, you're in the right place! 

Today, we're going to unpack what effective discipline looks like for kids aged 1 to 12.

As a certified parenting coach and a pro in positive discipline, I've helped hundreds of parents correct their children’s behaviors in the long term and raise emotionally healthy children. 

Today, I'm here to share that knowledge with you, breaking down what discipline should look like at different ages, all based on my eBook, "Discipline Without Harm."

Let's dive in: What's Discipline Really About?

First off, let's clear the air about what discipline isn't. 

It's not about bending your kids to your will or stopping behaviors that bug you. 

True discipline is about teaching self-discipline and values so your kids can make awesome choices on their own, whether you're watching or not.

For the Little Ones (1-3 years):

Toddlerhood is like the planting stage where you're watering this tiny discipline seed.

When you're disciplining a toddler, think of it like nurturing a plant. Imagine planting a tiny seed in the soil and giving it water. 

Even though you can't see it yet, the seed is sprouting roots beneath the surface. 

For instance, if your toddler keeps grabbing toys from others, and you keep teaching them to ask politely or wait their turn, it might feel like your efforts aren't making a difference. But just like the seed, your consistent guidance is taking root in their understanding.

At this age, it's important to pair discipline with comfort, helping your child manage their big emotions. 

They might cry or throw a tantrum when faced with boundaries, which is where your support and understanding come in.

Regarding consequences, it's essential to think about what will teach your child effectively. 

I discuss two types: natural and logical consequences, in my book "Discipline Without Harm."

Natural consequences let children learn from the outcomes of their actions, but they need to be used thoughtfully. 

For instance, while not brushing teeth might naturally lead to cavities, we don't want to use such a harsh consequence to teach dental hygiene.

In summary, toddler discipline is about laying the groundwork for future understanding, supporting them emotionally, and using consequences that teach valuable lessons without harm.

For the Young Explorers (4-7 years):

Now, we're in the blooming phase! 

If you've laid down a solid foundation, you'll start seeing some beautiful results. 

It's all about nurturing good behavior and giving them space to work through conflicts, with you stepping in as a coach, not a referee.

At this age, kids understand what you tell them and can share their thoughts and feelings. 

This makes disciplining them a bit like nurturing a young plant – you're helping it grow stronger and more resilient.

I like to think of this phase as the "fertilizing stage." You've already seen the beginnings of good behavior (like the first blooms on a plant), and now you're providing extra support to strengthen those behaviors. 

For example, when my twins have disagreements, I often let them work it out themselves. 

This encourages them to practice self-control and problem-solving. However, if they're stuck, I step in, not to make decisions for them, but to help them understand each other better and find their solutions.

Consequences at this age aren't just about natural outcomes (like the result of not wearing a coat means you get cold). 

I also use logical consequences, which are directly related to their actions but aren't as simple as cause and effect. 

For instance, when my twins were playing basketball and accidentally hit the neighbor's garage door, the logical consequence wasn't just a scolding. 

They needed to understand the impact of their actions. So, they wrote an apology letter and cleaned the garage door marks. 

This way, they learned about responsibility and making amends, not just the immediate effects of their actions.

In my eBook "Discipline Without Harm," I go deeper into these concepts, offering examples and strategies to guide you through this fertilizing stage, helping your child grow into a well-rounded individual with a strong sense of right and wrong.

For the Growing Thinkers (8-12 years):

Between the ages of 8 and 12, kids start to understand and develop their values and sense of right and wrong. I like to think of this phase as the "moral growth stage." 

It's like watching a plant you've been nurturing start to grow independently. 

Now, you're setting up a system that allows them to thrive on their own, with guidance suited to their age.

For instance, when my foster son was a tween, he was familiar with his daily routines and responsibilities, like knowing when to put away his electronics, when to do his laundry, and when to do his homework. 

This self-management is a sign of effective discipline at this stage. It shows that the foundational lessons from their younger years are taking root, allowing for more self-discipline and less direct intervention from parents.

Of course, there are times when you might need to step in. If my foster son made a mistake, we'd talk about it. We'd discuss why it's important to follow rules and how to fix the situation. 

It's not about punishment but about learning and problem-solving. 

Kids this age can often suggest their consequences, which can be more effective than anything we might impose. 

For example, if your child uses electronics outside their allotted time, ask them to propose a solution or consequence. 

This approach encourages responsibility and accountability.

I remember once when my foster son didn't hand in his homework, he had to catch up on his missed work plus do his current assignments, reinforcing the value of staying on top of his responsibilities. 

This is the discipline in action at this age: guiding them to make good decisions and take ownership of their actions.

Wrapping It Up:

Discipline is one of the greatest gifts you can give your child. It's not about control; it's about teaching them to live well with others. And if you want to dive deeper and get hands-on with shaping positive behavior, don't miss out on our "Discipline Without Harm" eBook, especially now with a 30% Easter discount From March 28-30 of 2024.

So, ready to step up your discipline game? Dive into the latest episode of the Parenting With Understanding Podcast for more gems on this topic!