Epi #124. How to Stop Feeling Guilty About Your Parenting (5 Simple Steps)

 How to Stop Feeling Guilty About Your Parenting (5 Simple Steps)

Feeling overwhelmed by parenting guilt? 

You're not alone. Every parent faces moments of doubt, wondering if they're too strict, lenient, involved, or detached. 

What if you could turn that guilt into a tool for positive change?

As a certified parenting coach and the founder of HIC Parenting Education Agency, I've dedicated my career to helping parents like you navigate the complex emotions of parenting. 

Today, I'm excited to share a method that has transformed my parenting approach and has helped over 14,151 parents create more peaceful, empathetic relationships with their children.

1. Understanding Parental Guilt

Firstly, it's crucial to understand that parental guilt is a common, almost universal feeling. 

It doesn't discriminate based on socioeconomic status, education level, or the resources at one's disposal. 

For instance, in a popular TV show episode, a celebrity mom expressed guilt for not spending enough time with her children due to her demanding work schedule. 

This scenario illustrates that parental guilt is a widespread experience, affecting even those who have ample support and resources.

Step-by-Step Guide to Managing Parental Guilt

To help you navigate and ultimately overcome feelings of guilt, consider these five steps that have proven effective for many parents, including myself:

Step 1. Identify the Guilt:

Guilt often carries a message. 

It could stem from a genuine concern about certain parenting decisions or deeper insecurities about one's parenting style. 

For example, I met a mother at a birthday party who shared her struggle with allocating time between her neurotypical children and her autistic child, who requires more attention. 

She often felt guilty when her older children expressed feeling neglected. 

This guilt made her defensive, and she attempted to justify her actions rather than address her children's need for connection.

Step 2. Challenge Unrealistic Expectations:

Many parents harbor unrealistic expectations about their parenting roles, which can exacerbate feelings of guilt. 

Another parent I spoke with, undergoing postpartum depression, felt guilty for not being the energetic and patient mother she was before giving birth. 

Understanding and accepting that her current emotional state was temporary and regular helped her to adjust her expectations and reduce guilt.

Step 3. Focus on What You Can Control:

It's important to distinguish between what you can and cannot control. 

The mother from the birthday party needed to realize that while she couldn't evenly split her time, she could find ways to make her other children feel valued during the time they did have together, perhaps by engaging in meaningful conversations or activities that included everyone.

Step 4. View Guilt as a Transitory Emotion:

Guilt should be viewed as a temporary emotion that serves a purpose—to alert us to potential issues that need addressing. 

Once its message is understood, letting it go rather than consuming it is healthy. 

For instance, when one of my twins felt uneasy about asking permission to use the bathroom at a summer camp, I initially felt guilty for leaving him there. 

Recognizing his need for safety and familiarity, I adjusted our plans to better accommodate his comfort, alleviating my guilt.

Step 5. Seek Support When Needed:

If guilt becomes overwhelming or habitual, it might be necessary to seek external support. 

You can break free from angry reactions, bring peace to your parenting and raise emotionally healthy children. 

You just need a few tools and a system. 

Click Here to start your journey towards more peace in your parenting. This is a free class where you’ll:

✅You will learn our signature Parenting With Understanding system to overcome angry reactions and have calm responses during your children’s chaos.

✅Gain an understanding of what you need to communicate assertively with your children so they listen to you even when you give them a “no.”

✅Know what is needed to raise emotionally healthy children who can face the real world with confidence and self-accountability.

Conclusion

Parental guilt is a common affliction, but it doesn't have to define your parenting journey. 

By understanding its origins, addressing the underlying issues it points to, and using it as a catalyst for growth and improvement, you can move towards a more peaceful, fulfilling parenting experience. 

Understanding yourself and your child's needs is pivotal in transforming your parenting approach.